In Which There is A(nother) DNF, and Also a Kindle for iPhone Book.

Oops, sorry. Didn't quite realize it had been that long since my last entry.

This post is going to cover a lot of weirdness, so bear with me.

Part of the reason this has taken so long is all of the same reasons involving the insanity of my life, but also there is the fact that I have not been excited to read anything for the past week. This might be due to the arrival of last season's The Office, Big Bang Theory, and 30 Rock on DVD and my obsessive need to catch up immediately. It might also be because I have no idea what I am in the mood to read lately.

Or write, apparently. More on this in a bit.

I started reading Wicked Delights of a Bridal Bed by Tracy Anne Warren... two weeks ago, now? (Really?!) It was light and charming and full of all of the things I love... a lovesick hero... an oblivious but charming heroine... A hunormous family about whose members I had already missed three books... You know, the usual. I was really excited about this book because of the contest Smart Bitch Sarah organized around it (If you have some time, read the entries. They're amazing) Alas, I didn't win the mattress or the backlist or the book, but I did find it at Target for 20% off, and who can resist that?!

Well, I sort of wish I had. After reading a perfectly charming (if slightly perfunctory) first third of the book, I started skimming ahead. I do this, by the way. I totally skim ahead, especially if the sexxing isn't happening as quickly as I feel it needs to. At some point a girl just needs some reassurance that these crazy kids are going to stop running circles around each other and jump in the sack already.

What I found in the ahead-skipping was every cliche that has ever come out of the powerful-man-in-love-with-a-woman-who's-in-love-with-someone-else trope. Delayed wedding night due to chicky-poo's whining and hero's (justifiable) frustration about the heroine's refusal to let go of the past (though, come on... you're surprised, dude? You've been CEO of the "let's get her to stop acting like an idiot" campaign) and then (IF YOU'RE PLANNING TO READ THIS BOOK, THIS IS THE SPOILER ALERT. FOR REALSIES) the reappearance of the object of her affections, followed closely by marital blow-up and her realization that she's been acting like a Class-A Moron, with a dash of dumber-than-a -Barbie-doll thrown in for good measure.

Again, I didn't finish the book, so there could be a perfectly legitimate reason for this sort of tom-foolery. All I know is that I didn't have the patience to find out.

So then I started reading The Tycoon's Rebel Bride, an awesomely bad Silhouette Desire book written by my personal "new one to watch," Maya Banks. (To be clear, she's not even close to "new" as an author. But she's new to me.)

It was one of those free Kindle giveaways... or something... and has been sitting on my iPhone for several months. Finally enlargeable text and an eye appointment involving dilation led me straight to it.

In so many ways Tycoon's Rebel Bride is every Harlequin cliche (we're big on those in this post, apparently); the "Tycoon" in question is Greek and from a family of overbearing men (each of whom has a book, natch), he's got old world ideas about a woman's place, her virginity, and exactly how much control he has the right to exert on those around him. So when his family's ward (not really clear on the details here) shows up in New York, of course he a) takes steps to supervise her settling in to the city and to "protect her" and b) starts lusting after her immediately.

The incongruity of this whole story is what makes it work. For every insistence that Theron has on his Old Skool hero garb, Bella (Oh, when is that name going to go back out again?) has marks of a New Skool heroine. Literally. That would be her oh-so-tempting belly button ring and tattoos. Don't you worry, though, that hymen is still fully intact.

Of course Theron's Old Skool-ness got to be a little much ("We must get married because I took your virginity"? Really? You know we're in 2010, right?) and there was no real reason for Bella to have been so madly in love with him for so long... especially when it's clear that she probably saw him all of... one time in her life. And my psycho boyfriend antennae went up when Theron made Bella's friend quit her job at the strip club so... Bella wouldn't be exposed to that kind of thing? He even went so far as to pay Sadie's rent for the rest of the year so she wouldn't have to strip. Which I suppose is a degree or two of noble. But also painfully overbearing. And a little creepy.

But you know what? It's a Silhouette Desire book. And my eyes were dilated. And it did what it needed to do.

So now my mission for the next 48 hours: To write a paranormal of 2,000-3,000 words. Go on, laugh. But that's only 2 days of writing on a WriMo scale (Which is coming up, btw. Guess who's finishing this year, kids!!) Here's the problem: the only paranormal I have ever attempted was last year's epic-fail WriMo. Wish me luck.