In Which I DNF a Pamela Clare

My plausibility limit is not easily tested. I read paranormals for goodness sake, the most recent of which involved a witch falling in love with a vampire/demon hybrid on an alternate plane of existence. Imagination? Yeah, I’ve got it.

I want to stress this at the outset, because when I tell you that it was sheer implausibility (and boredom, and annoyance, and the aforementioned Too Stupid to Live heroine...) that made me stop reading Pamela Clare’s Hard Evidence, I want you to know what that really means.

Earlier this year I read Clare’s most recent book in the Denver I-Team series, and I really enjoyed it. So when I found some of the previous books in the series over the weekend, I was pumped.

I even ditched my historical romance kick to read this one.

But pretty much from the first chapter, I was done.

Tessa Novak is an investigative reporter on the aforementioned Denver I-Team (for the Denver Independent). As soon as the book opens, Tessa’s caffeine addiction leads her to witness a murder. I know she has a caffeine addiction both because Clare tells us outright, and because just about every “new scene” is marked by Tessa drinking a latte, being offered a latte, or calculating the number of shots she is going to request in her next latte.

Peripheral to the murder that Tessa witnesses is Julian Darcangelo (Gangsta Name: Dark Angel. I only wish I was making that up). He’s been running an undercover operation to take down a sex trafficking ring, and the murder Tessa sees is of a runaway sex slave seeking help.

Tessa sees Darcangelo lurking outside the crime scene, and because he was wearing a leather jacket like the shooter, she assumes he’s the murderer (“Wha?” you ask. “Yup,” I say). When he stalks her to the hospital where she hopes to interview the only other witness to the crime, she freaks because she thinks the murderer has come back to find her.

I briefly touch on this in my TSTL post, but I want to emphasize it again, because I’m pretty sure that if I ran into a the man I thought was a murderer (never mind that I’m not sure I would have made that big a leap anyway...), I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t make out with him three minutes after he dragged me into a supply closet. Especially after he has confirmed that he knows my entire life story in the most creepy-stalkery way possible. And especially when there’s no lead-up to his grabbing me and kissing me. In fact, I’m pretty sure that’s called assault.

And again, I’m pretty sure that’s when I’d kick him in the balls.

So for the entire sexual chemistry of this couple to be based on that single encounter is really stretching it for me. And it’s not even like their next encounter hits the reset button, where everyone gets in a room and he apologizes and it’s all some semblance of cool. The next time they see each other he arrests her. Not even a little bit, like as a warning not to get involved in the investigation. He has her booked, photographed, fingerprinted, and thrown in a cell.

Would you be lusting after that guy? Because I’m pretty sure I’d actually hate him.

To me, Tessa’s entire attraction to Darcangelo encapsulates her TSTL-itude. She also wanders into gang territory and asks to see the head gangstas. At night. Without really knowing how to use her gun. She keeps wandering around crime scenes and doing her own investigating, even after she has been advised not to by just about everyone, including the Chief of Police.

Let’s not get in to her “friends,” who are all so obsessed by the fact that a man kissed her that none of them are pointing out that she needs to file charges. Oh, and her long-lost mother showed up just after she’s been assaulted again-- not by the hero this time, this time by an actual (?!) bad guy-- and just before I decided to peace out of this entire endeavor.

Not to mention that Darcangelo’s investigation into sex trafficking, including women sold into sexual slavery and pedophiliac porn (which he has to pretend to like while undercover) does not exactly make for an easy turnaround into sexy time. I don’t want to hear about how he wants to jump the heroine just after I’ve read about how he’s disgusted by what he’s seeing on the job. No dice.

So... yeah. Back to the historical romances!!