Wendy Pan kindly loaned me two of Erin McCarthy's latest, Hard and Fast and Flat-Out Sexy (stop snickering!) and it occurred to me that the heroes of these books (it's a series, too!) are nothing to write home (or blog) about, but they are solid, dependable, sexy men dripping with testosterone. In fact, McCarthy seems to go out of her way to make the point that men in any field other than racing (her male characters' chief occupation) are losers who can't find their way around female anatomy. But I digress.
The point is that if you're looking for anything but an uber alpha-male (of which there are varying degrees, by the way), you're in for a world of disappointment. I contend that the only real variation is the female herself, and the way she acts and interacts with the hero. Discuss.
Anyway, time for The Novel Idea's first Top Ten List! My top 10 heroes ever, in order, because I can.
9. John Medina (All the Queen's Men, Linda Howard)- Falls so hard for the woman he can't have that when he's finally in the same room with her, he can't help but ask her to put herself in all kinds of unnecessary danger. Then when they're in the thick of it, he can't help but rip her clothes off anyway. Manipulative? Sure. But anytime a book ends with the girl joining the guy in the field (as spy, vampire hunter, etc .) and not at home waiting around is OK by me.
8. Jack Travis (Smooth Talking Stranger, Lisa Kleypas)- OK, so he's new (the book only came out in March) but the evolution of the alpha-hero to the point that he recognizes he's a bit of a psycho? In fact, I think the passage goes something like:
"There are about ten things I want to say to you right now, and at least nine of them make me sound like a complete psycho."
"What's the tenth thing?"
"Nope. That pretty much makes me sound like a psycho, too."
Gives all of us neo-feminists the satisfaction of knowing he recognizes the way possessive men sound, but let's us know he's feeling it anyway.
(And let's not forget the parking garage. Ever.)
7. The Marquess of Cainwood (Guardian Angel, Julie Garwood)- An old-school romance hero of yore, Caine takes the news that his beloved is a pirate with aplomb (and then beats the crap out of her brother.) Extra points for always coming to get her no matter how many times she runs away, and for passing out when the baby is born. And for putting up with Sterns.
6. Harrison MacDonald (For the Roses, Julie Garwood)- Two Julie Garwood characters in a row, I know, I apologize. But Harrison does the classic "lie to the heroine about who he is and why he's there," and we still love him more than words can express. Why? Because he beats up the Clayborne brothers like he's a member of the family, produces the best murder defense this side of Johnny Cochran, and he's a frakking Scottish Cowboy. I don't think I need to add anything else.
5. Angel (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)- Those of you who read this post from its inception know that I was initially leaving Angel off the list because he appears on TV, not in romance novels. Justification for adding him now? Ready, steady, go: On Amazon, the Buffy graphic novels for "Season 8" appear on the "Romance Bestsellers" list. So there. I'm breaking my own rules, but if Stephenie Meyer can do it in her bestselling series, I can do it in this tiny post that no more than 10 people will read. Anyway, Angel. All tormented and angsty, all brooding, soul-and-not-sex-having Angel. Loves her more than his life, leaves her before he ruins hers, and still manages to pop over from his spin-off series when it matters most. Plus him trying to "save" Joyce from Spike is one of the funniest scenes of the series.
4. Zane Mackenzie (Mackenzie's Pleasure, Linda Howard)- In a world populated by Mackenzies, it's difficult to make a choice between them, but for me it's got to be Zane. Every. Time. He is a bit of a retreat from the more evolved hero (he drags her off in the night to elope, and she doesn't seem to do... anything), but there's something about a Navy Seal and showing up at your door to announce that you're getting married that gets me every time. Perhaps it could be argued that Zane would be a better hero if he had been given a better heroine? I'm just saying.
3. Conrad Wroth (Dark Needs At Night's Edge, Kresley Cole)- Heinous title aside, Conrad Wroth is one of my favorite heroes from the Immortals After Dark series, and among the crowd that includes Cadeon Woede, Lachlain MacRieve, and, well, the rest of the Wroth Brothers, that's saying something. Maybe it's my own personal weakness for tormented heroes, but Conrad's bloodlust and insanity is off the hook. No matter how far he comes with the help of the lovely Néomi, he's always dangling on the precipice of losing his mind. The fact that even at the end of the book he is not completely recovered speaks volumes for him as a character and Cole as a writer, for not insisting that everything end perfectly in a neat little bow. Plus there is that shower scene. Hot. Damn.
2. Derek Craven (Dreaming of You, Lisa Keypas)- Derek Craven, up-by-the-bootstraps, from-the-gutter gaming club owner in Regency London, falls for a bookish researcher who is stalking his club to talk to his whores about the World's Oldest Profession. He saves her from assault after she saves his life, and then he proceeds to do everything in his power to get the hell away from her, knowing that her life would be better without him in it. Finally capitulating after she is assaulted again (yes, she gets a bit old, but she's perfect for him), they wed and live happily ever after, with Derek still realistically living on the edge of what he used to be.
1. Derek Sutherland (Captain of All Pleasure, Kresley Cole)- OK so Derek is the go-to name for tormented heroes. We get it. Another Cole hero, another frakked up gentleman. Derek Sutherland is married, an alcoholic, reprobate, deadbeat. And then he encounters the magic hoo-hoo and all is well. But all kidding aside, Derek is perfect in his torment-- he loves her to the point of insanity, can't eat, can't sleep, can't think when they're not together, and then completely turns his life around when they are. Love. Him.
This was actually a stunningly painful list to put together, mostly because for every memorable alpha-hottie there are ten "who the frak is this guy and why is he such a" freaks. And all the guys in between. So it's my Top 9. Which you should be grateful to have anyway.
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